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    笑話15篇

    時間:2018-05-26來源:故事會 作者:

      何有財等

      區別待遇

      情人節那天的晚上,小美和男朋友出去玩,回家晚了點。她輕手輕腳打開家門,老爸一臉嚴肅地坐在客廳里,他叫住小美就是一頓罵,問她為什么這么晚才回來。

      幾分鐘后,小美的哥哥也鬼鬼祟祟地回來了。小美暗暗偷笑,心想,終于有人來分擔老爸的火力了。

      沒想到老爸抬頭看了她哥一眼,說:"這么早就回來了?真沒用!"

      (何有財)

      那個傻子

      小梅談戀愛了,男朋友第一次上門。七歲的侄子湊過去左看右看,悄悄問:"姑姑,他就是那個傻子嗎?"

      小梅生氣道:"你瞎說啥呢?"

      侄子一臉委屈:"我沒瞎說,是奶奶說的,她說姑姑你‘再不趕緊找,看哪個傻子會要你。"

      (極品咖啡)

      還有一頓飯

      有一對夫妻很愛睡懶覺,他們有個兒子剛上小學。上學不到一個星期,兒子就跟同桌吵了一架,矛盾的起源是兩人爭論一天吃三頓飯還是兩頓飯,各執一詞互不相讓。

      后來,知道真相的兒子含著淚對爸媽說:"六年啊!我活了六年才知道這世界上還有一頓飯叫‘早飯!".

      (潘光賢)

      誰厲害

      美術館里,一家三口站在達·芬奇自畫像前。

      媽媽說:"達·芬奇非常厲害,他會畫畫,還懂物理、數學、建筑、天文……幾乎什么都會。"

      上幼兒園的女兒問:"那達·芬奇會做紅燒肉嗎?"

      媽媽愣了愣說:"應、應該不會吧。"

      女兒看著爸爸,說:"那還是爸爸比較厲害!"

      (東 君)

      好比春晚

      過年時,小王陪老婆回娘家。夫妻倆坐在沙發上光顧著玩手機,老丈人對小王說:"你倆就像春晚一樣。"小王高興地說:"爸,你是說,一到過年你就盼著我們?"

      老丈人說:"不,你倆一年才來一次,還沒有把我逗開心!"

      (妙 妙)

      顯 老。

      小白和男友在車站等車,一個小學生走過來,問小白的男友:"叔叔,沃爾瑪超市怎么走?".

      男友說:"叫哥哥!"小學生疑惑地看著他。小白忍不住"哈哈"大笑,對男友說:"讓你裝嫩!"

      小學生也對男友笑道:"你看,你媽媽都笑你了。".

      (汪 杰)

      上火了

      媽媽嘴巴上火了,吃飯的時候痛得直叫喚。三歲的兒子關心地問:"媽媽,上火是什么?"

      媽媽解釋道:"上火就是媽媽的嘴里長了好多泡泡。"

      兒子聽了,一臉興奮地說:"是嗎?那你吹幾個泡泡出來給我看看。"

      介紹

      飯局上,叔叔要給大劉介紹女朋友,說:"我別的本事沒有,就是女人認識得多,誰叫咱是開婚介所的呢。"

      這時,叔叔的朋友在邊上說:"你有我認識的女人多嗎?家庭住址、電話號碼、興趣愛好,我都知道。"

      大劉是第一次見到叔叔的這個朋友,連忙問道:"您也是開婚介所的?"

      叔叔插嘴道:"別聽他的,他是送快遞的!"

      (文 文)

      鬧 鬼

      有人新買了一套房,請風水師上門來看看。房主說:"大師,我是南方人,準備在北方定居,就買了這套房子,可是最近我發現,這房子里面陰風陣陣,讓人后背發涼,是不是鬧鬼呀?"風水師手捻胡須,幽幽地說道:"在我們北方,冬天不交暖氣費,就是這種感覺!"

      (小湯團)

      吃涼菜

      有個女人,結婚以后才開始學做飯,每次炒菜都炒不好。這天她決定改個方式,不炒菜了。

      丈夫下班回家,看到女人在廚房里忙活,就問:"今天吃涼菜?"

      女人驚奇道:"你怎么知道的?"

      丈夫說:"因為屋里聞不到一絲糊味。" (伯 仲)

      三輪面試

      小明對朋友說:"經過三輪面試之后,我終于找到了一份新工作。"朋友說:"恭喜!居然通過了三輪面試,你太優秀了!而且,能設置三輪面試的一定是大公司,快跟我分享一下,你的新工作是什么?"

      小明答道:"蹬三輪。"

      (汪 杰)

      挨揍的原因

      小偉被人揍了,哥哥去醫院看望他,問他怎么回事。小偉說:"有人欺負我,我就找了七八個打手去揍那人,說好了事后每人給50元。"哥哥更好奇了,問:"那你怎么還打不過人家呢?"

      小偉情緒激動地說:"我們揍完那小子后,我拿不出錢給這七八個人,又被他們給揍了!"

      (田宇軒)

      好 煙

      大李愛抽煙,這天他在公園里遇上一個老頭,老頭拿出一袋煙絲、煙紙,讓大李自己卷一根。大李一抽,味道濃郁,集合了各大名煙的優點,忙問:"能賣我一點嗎?"

      老頭說:"咱倆投緣,送你都行,我大不了多撿兩天煙屁股,重新卷就行了。"

      (琳 娜)

      叫 誰

      老婆給正在上班的老公打電話,高興地說:"老公,咱兒子會叫爸爸了!"

      老公怒道:"什么?我不在,他管誰叫爸爸呢?"

      (英 杰)

      要賬

      小劉是個胖子,最近卻日漸消瘦,朋友問他怎么了,小劉嘆了口氣說:"別提了,我借給別人一萬塊錢……"

      朋友問:"那人要賴賬嗎?把你愁成這樣!"

      小劉搖搖頭說:"沒有賴賬,他是健身教練,說用私教課的學費來抵銷債務。我才上了三千塊錢的課,可剩下的七千我不想要了,從來沒有要賬要得這么辛苦過!"

      (悠 悠)

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